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Four Years Later February 27, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — blessedarethosethatmourn @ 4:45 am

Four years ago today I met the most beautiful one day old baby. I was her momma for her first 13 months of life. I was the one who comforted her when she cried, knew how to make her laugh, and saw all of her firsts. She didn’t look like me, but I saw my heart all over her face and couldn’t really tell the difference between where she stopped, and I began. She was my first girl, my first pink, my first bow, and she became mine in a way that I wasn’t prepared for. The wound from losing her is still as deep and as raw as it was 3 years ago. There are days when I weep over my loss, over my could have beens, but then I remember all that God has done in and through me through that sacrifice. My faith is so much deeper and more firm, because I learned to trust Him with my most beloved daughter. I have seen His sweet mercy as she has remained a part of my life, not as my legal daughter, but as my God daughter, my heart daughter. When I said goodbye on that wretched day, I had no idea that I would still have the privilege of watching her grow, hearing her laugh, and showing her His love. Yes, my sweet girl benefitted from my love, but can I even begin to tell you how much she has changed me? What a privilege it was to sacrifice my heart for you, precious one.image